Fear Factor

For the last few weeks, dinnertime at our house has somewhat deteriorated. It has gotten to the point that any outside observer might think that we're filming the inaugural season of Fear Factor Kids edition around our dinner table. It really doesn't matter what we try...our children act like we're trying to feed them live cockroaches. We have tried letting them pick the menu, bribing, threatening, withholding dessert, force feeding, reverse psychology, but nothing seems to work.

We even tried using Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious cookbook where she teaches parents to hide healthy food in their kids meals. That lasted about one bite. Mashed potatoes...as soon as our daughter took a bite she slammed down her fork and said "Oh Gross! Those have cauliflour in them!" (She actually was correct on that one).

The dinner time fun starts out about 30 minutes before dinner. Our children are "SOOO starving!" They are, in fact, so famished and weak from hunger that they are entirely incapable of setting the table or getting glasses of water for the family. Based on their ragged condition, we must be the meanest parents around, because it's pretty obvious, these kids never get fed and must be horribly neglected. But, as soon as dinner is served, apparently, just smelling the nanoparticles of food totally satisfies their emaciated little bodies, because, all of a sudden, they're "SOOO FULL" that they couldn't possibly eat a single bite!

Our 6 year old is the most dramatic. He has determined to subsist all summer long on peanut butter (spooned out of the jar) and cold cereal and nothing more.

The latest Fear Factor experiment we tried on them was cheese tortellini...you know, those really, REALLY disgusting pasta things with garlic and cheese in them? They are totally gross! Just saying "cheese tortellini" can make you lose your appetite for a week! My kids would rather eat live earthworms.

Our pragmatic 8-year old has resorted to holding her nose before she eats any of the disgusting raw cow intestines or live garden snails we try to feed her. Our son...well, he just grimaces and holds the food in his mouth until the little bits of squid tentacles cause him to gag. Want proof? Here is the photographic evidence:

Is that the saddest, most tortured little face you've ever seen? So, obviously, there are better parents out there than me. What do you do to get your kids to eat dinner?